Stories of Sameness and Difference: The Views and Experiences of Children and Adolescents with a trans* Parent

Before the so-called “gayby boom” in the 1990s the most common pathway to parenthood for gay men was heterosexual marriage. Since the 1990s most research on gay parenting has focused on intentional gay fathers – those parenting after coming out as gay – and the experiences of post-heterosexual divorce gay fathers (PHGF) have largely been overlooked, even though they remain the largest group of gay fathers. Furthermore, most research on this group, and on gay fathers more broadly, has been conducted in the US, with only a small handful of studies examining the experiences of gay fathers elsewhere. The current study aims to begin to address this omission by exploring the experiences of heterosexually divorced and separated UK gay fathers, focusing on their experiential journey from married, ostensibly heterosexual, men to living openly (more or less) as gay fathers. Transcripts of interviews with six white British men were analyzed using interpretative phenomenological analysis. Five themes are reported: (1) The impossibility of being openly gay; (2) “Drowning in normality”; (3) “The point of no return”; (4) The kids are alright; and (5) “It just doesn’t seem to compute for people.” The findings suggest that for some PHGF little has changed since the earliest research on this group of gay fathers was published in the 1970s. The men in this study had mostly experienced a tumultuous (and sometimes incomplete) journey to gay fatherhood and continued to struggle with feelings of shame and stigma.

这篇文章的研究问题聚焦于跨性别（trans*）父母家庭中儿童和青少年的视角，具体探讨他们如何理解和体验家庭生活及关系，特别是在父母性别身份的背景下。这项研究的目的包括：（1）填补文献空白，通过直接调查跨性别父母家庭中未成年人的观点；（2）探索这些儿童和青少年在日常家庭生活中的体验及其对这些体验的认知；（3）通过符号互动论的理论视角，为理解跨性别家庭成员的社会背景对家庭关系和生活的影响提供实证支持。

本研究通过半结构式访谈，分析29名5至18岁儿童和青少年对跨性别父母的家庭生活和关系的看法。这些参与者来自19个家庭，通过社交媒体和非营利组织招募。访谈问题涵盖亲子关系、家庭角色及对跨性别父母身份的理解等。数据采用主题分析法，结合相关文献理论，提炼出6个子主题，同时进行了偏差案例与样本差异分析，以确保结果的全面性和代表性。

本研究发现，拥有跨性别父母的儿童和青少年总体上并未因父母的性别身份而影响亲子关系质量，尽管家庭系统中可能存在关系裂痕。此外，尽管少数儿童感受到父母“被替代”的失落感，但大多数并未将父母的转变视为家庭角色或关系的负面影响。研究还揭示了这些孩子在家庭内外需要投入大量精力，例如适应性别代词的使用及向外界解释父母身份。尽管一些参与者经历了恐跨霸凌，但他们对家庭生活的理解和经历显示出适应力和多样性。本研究提出了理论框架“家庭展示”和“话语依赖”在非规范家庭研究中的重要性，并强调在研究中优先听取儿童和青少年的声音对于全面理解跨性别父母家庭的必要性。